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Shoplift at Monroe Walmart store
goes south
When store employee rumbles with pink
bat man

October 20, 2017

Crime scene images. Photos: Monroe Police. CLICK TO ENLARGE
By Rex D. Cain
News-opinion-expert crime analysis

This report was first published Oct. 19 as a front page Feature Story

(MONROE, WA.) -- Seriously. What kind of decent, God fearing criminal goes to do a grab-and-run shoplift gig using a pink baseball bat as a defensive tool if things go bad?

Who in the world is going to take a guy using a pink baseball bat seriously? A victim standing there wearing pink underwear and bunny rabbit ears? These are the kinds of things that give professional career criminals a bad name.

The caper as it happened, according to Monroe Police: Tuesday morning, October 17 at 9:12 am the police respond to a report of a robbery at the cavernous Walmart store in Monroe, located right next to the movie theater. (The place is huge. Takes like half a day to travel from one end to the other. Bring a sack lunch if you go there and a sleeping bag if you get lost).

"Officers contacted an employee who said that two males attempted to leave the store with approximately $598.00 worth of unpaid merchandise," said a police statement. "The employee tried to grab the cart that was being pushed by a male with a pink baseball bat. The two struggled until the contents of the cart were spilled onto the floor."

All right. Stop right there.

Memo to the Walmart employee who tried to play cowboy hero with white hat: Trust us on this Bubba. You don't make anywhere near the amount of money you'd have to make in order to risk your life like that, considering the perp you were rumbling with could have had a snub nose .38 in his pocket, drawn it at any time and put four big wad-cutter holes in your chest at contact distance.

Perfect. You then end up dead, a rotting corpse in some bone-yard (assuming the family had enough dough to bury you as opposed to a quick cremation) all to save the BILLIONAIRE owners and descendants of Sam Walton $600 in Walmart merchandise ($300, the wholesale cost on those goods) and momma is left at home as a single mother trying to raise those three kids by herself. Yeah, that would be just swell.

Listen up Rumble Robby: Real life ain't the movies. Leave the TV hero stuff to cops who get paid quite handsomely to get shot at and get into street fights. (Their pension plan alone is enough to kill for.)

Your kids would rather see you come home at night than put flowers on your grave and grow up with no daddy. End of memo to Wally Mart employee.

Where were we? Ah yes, "The two struggled until the contents of the cart were spilled onto the floor."

The getaway, the crash

So the two guys run from the store and make their getaway in a vehicle described as a "multi colored Mitsubishi Lancer." (That's almost as embarrassing as the pink baseball bat)

"As the vehicle left, witnesses said that they saw the driver waving the pink bat outside the window of the vehicle," said the police statement. Waving the bat? Like, he was waving by-by, so long until next time? Was he waving to be friendly? Who waves a pink baseball bat when their making a getaway in an ugly Lancer?

Thankfully no one was injured during this incident. So then about 90 minutes later, Lake Stevens Police said they'd located the suspect vehicle crashed into a tree at Grade Rd / SR 92 "and one male was detained."

Generally speaking, perps are lousy drivers. They're always crashing getaway vehicles. We see a money making venture here. A "Getaway Driving school" for criminals.

The second male was not immediately located. The gendarmes then find out the car "had been painted with green spray paint" and when they ran the plate numbers it came back as a stolen vehicle out of Everett. Is that too much for TV or what? Green spray paint.

And as luck would have it, that lovely pink baseball bat "was visible inside the vehicle."

At press time (as in "Stop the presses!) the policia had a search warrant pending for the vehicle which was impounded to the Monroe Police Department.

The investigating officer responded to the collision scene and placed the suspected perp into custody. Police say, "The suspect admitted that he was at Walmart with the other male and that he attempted to steal items for his drug dealer so he could trade them for heroin."

The Monroe Police statement says 26-year old Charles Duling of Mukilteo, Washington was booked into the Snohomish County Jail on charges of Robbery, First Degree.

This case remains (as they say) under investigation.

And so it goes.



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